Sunday, August 18, 2013

10 things that make me truly happy...

1) A really hot, great smelling bubble bath. (Even when little people run in repeatedly asking for juice and swiping handfuls of bubbles thereby turning the tile floor into a deadly slip and slide)

2) The perfect cup of coffee. Really hot, a little creamy and a tiny bit sweet. (Even though it has to be re-heated in the microwave 3 times before I am able to finish the entire cup)

3) Being in my bed, the only sound the white noise around me. In the summer, the air conditioner. In the winter, the heater. And my husband's breathing, a comforting constant. (Even though morning will come sooner than I'd like and I'll never feel truly rested)

4) A happy, singing trio in the back of my van. (With none on key and so many incorrect words that make me laugh at their simplicity, innocence and outright silliness)

5) A dinner that the entire family eats without complaining. (Even though someone will undoubtedly fall out of his chair, or spill her juice)

6) The smell of warm, sleepy children. (Even with their morning breath)

7) The perfect that catches my child looking joyous and candid. (Especially after having spent time in that 10th ring of Dante's Inferno, also known as the portrait studio)

8) New shoes. (Even though 9 of 10 times they are now for kids' feet rather than mine)

9) Summer Vacation...unscheduled, extra curricular free days of the beach, the pool, naps and travelling. (Even though each day includes a little arguing and name calling)

10) Back to school...the bittersweet pride of my little ones growing, living and taking on the world. (Even though I miss them so much it's physical)

Because the "even thoughs" in my life are what make it beautiful, real, unique, blessed, and MINE.  The "even thoughs" and the "buts" are where the crux of life hide.  The "even thoughs" are constant reminders of what might not have been, and how truly worth it being a mother is.

Monday, March 11, 2013

10 things that offended me today

Everyone is so offended these days....and to be quite frank...I am weary of it. I am tired of worrying about what is PC or what the proper terminology for everyone and everything is this week. I am all for kindness. I believe we should be understanding and supportive and open-minded and open hearted.  But I have a vehement dislike for people who are always offended. Folks who look for things to find offensive. In fact, the phrase "I am so offended" is one of the few things I find offensive. And that's really just because it irritates me so badly.
I get frustrated and angry...but offended? The act of being offended is so narcissistic, as if every comment someone makes is directed at you. And at the same time, is such a victim's stance. To give another that much power over you with their words and actions and to relinquish your own feelings of self worth based on someone else's drivel.  If you don't like what someone has to say...don't listen to him or her.

Now let me be clear, hence I offend someone: There is a difference in being truly hurt, and being offended.  I find negativity and cruelty towards any group of people, especially children, abhorrent. But not offensive.  Just awful, and stupid.  But I decided to be offended today...and here are the things that did it:

1)  That bitch in the drop off line at preschool....I know she saw me smile and wave and she pretended like she didn't recognize me. So offensive

2) That old man who works at the grocery store...he asked me if I needed help to my car. Do I look like I need help?  Just because I have three little kids and a cart full of groceries does not mean I am not capable of handling all this. Was he insinuating that I don't have my shit together?

3)  The DJ on the morning radio show made a sexist joke..after I laughed and rolled my eyes, I was royally pissed. It didn't ooccur to me to change the station, I just kept listening so I could become enraged.

4) I read a few status updates. I cannot believe I virtually associate with people who have views which differ from mine. Facebook is a petri dish of comments, suggestions and updates which I know people post with me in mind, to send me passive aggressive messages about how they really feel about me and my new haircut.

5) Speaking of my new husband said it was cute. But it's not what he's how he said it..he doesn't really like it..I can tell..he is just humoring me and it's offensive.

6) Foul language on the internet...the damn offensive

7) Some chick at the Optometrist's office asked my kid to stop spinning the magnifying mirror. Mind your own business lady...just because I have three kids running amuck in here and am trying to pay attention to the person adjusting one kid's glasses does not mean I appreciate an extra pair of eyes making sure my children do not sever an artery on broken glass. She was really just judging my parenting skills.

8) Someone posted a bible verse...she was just pushing her religion on me...and judging me. I know she posted that verse just to shame me, or force her views on me. It had nothing to do with her personal faith...Christianity is so offensive.

9) I watched someone throw away a Coke can. He didn't recycle it. The HORROR.

10) I saw someone bottle feed her baby and put a diaper on it. When she totally could have breast fed and she should know her baby's "rhythm" and hold her over the potty when nature calls...anyone who does not mother as a verb the same way I do is not only offensive, but irresponsible as well.

So how'd I do?  Are you offended yet? If so then we should really just end our association right now because I probably don't have the tact or patience to maintain a friendship with you...but it's not fact, it's really not about you at all. 
Let's look for things to enjoy in life, shall we?  Look for things that make us smile rather than enrage us...things that empower us rather than anger us. And sometimes, let's just laugh..because it feels good.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Mommy Friends

Girls are mean, spiteful things some times....I wote a blog before about can read it here.
But as we grow up..we can also appreciate the women in our lives as the friends they are, and have been.  Some come in and out of your life, seemingly inseperable one day and then gone for months or years..but always holding a significant place in your life, shaping memories as well as your heart.

I could wax poetic about friendships in a sappy way..but I won't. Instead I want to focus on one particular type of friend..."The mommy friend".

When I quit work to stay home with the twins, I was ALONE. My friends all still family lived out of state. I was managing sick babies and that took all my energy.  Since they were preemies we were essentially quarantined for months...and I had very little time to do anything other than meet their basic needs.  Adult, friendly interaction was not high on my list...until I started missing it.

It took me a while to make "mommy friends".
You meet them at church, or the kiddie gym, or in my case physical therapy for your kids.  You meet them through other friends..or even online...

Friends who understand when you tell your kid to shut up when you're on the phone.  They understand when you cancel 3 playdates in a row because someone has a fever, or just really needs a nap.  They get it when you leave a scheduled outing early because your kid fell in the Koi pond outside Barnes and Noble.  They'll even brave a restaurant with you and your brood of chuckleheads.

They get it when you say you may have to home school because your kids are always sick but they know you'd never really homeschool because you'd go crazy.

They live next door and will keep your kids at the drop of a hat if you need them too.  They always share recipes and baked goods, and try your new ones as well.

They laugh with you about man colds and how your kids are so much better dressed than you are.

They teach you to respect the environment and hug trees, and then vote Republican.

They make you want to eat better and feed your kids better, but don't judge when you hit Dunkin Donuts weekly.

They have  multiples, like you, and understand that quiet is not a concept recognized in your home, and also how exhausting these little blessings can be. And that sometimes you just want a pedicure.

They are your cousins with whom you shared your childhood, and now you share each other's journeys of parenthood. You compare milestones and concerns and stories that should not be funny but are hilarious.

They are friends who you had before you both had kids, and now your friendship means so much more because your lives mean so much more.

Sometimes they are your child's teacher, who has taken such a keen interest in your child, and taught your baby so much, that all you can feel is grateful.

They support you in realizing you are still in an individual, not only someone's mom...and that you have your own personality and interests and talents that still need to be recognized and appreciated.

They are your mom and mother in law, whose advice is truly welcome for two reasons:
1) they raised some pretty great kids already
2) they love your kids as much as you do

They are the people who make you realize you're not totally crazy, but it's ok to be a little bit crazy.
Don't get me wrong, at some point they were probably melodramatic and catty teenage girls, but today they are pretty awesome.