Friday, March 23, 2012

how to scare men away

So you read about my rare but exceedingly wonderful date night 2 weeks ago.  But there is a part I left out. Well there are a few parts, but one in particular.
My husband and I popped into and Irish pub after dinner, but decided not to stay. Before we left, hubby had to run to the restroom.  I wandered aimlessly around the bar area, checked for texts from the babysitter, hummed to myself..until I heard a male voice, at very close range, say "Hello". I looked up to find a guy, much too metro for my taste anyway, leering at me. He even had an eyebrow raised, a la Flinn Ryder. 

"You know what?  You look like my second wife". he said.

This threw me for a loop...I didn't know where they guy was going with this. I was slightly innebriated after sharing a pitcher of Sangria with my husband, and was obviously a little dense.
"OK" clever response.

"Can I get you a drink?"...ok  here is where I caught on....he was hitting on me...and ooohhhhh, now I get it..he doesn't have a second wife..yet. UGH

"Nope, just waiting on my husband"..I pointed towards the restroom.

"He shouldn't leave you alone". 

Years ago I probably would have been thinking, " score, free drinks on this goofball." but I was having a nice night with my husband and really didn't want it marred by the middle aged man with a better manicure than mine, and eyebrows recently waxed.

"I'm a big girl,  I'll be fine." I told Mr. Smooth.

"You have a great smile..." he continued.

Really? Really! What part of my husband is in the bathroom did you miss? Because now you are just being obnoxious.

So I pulled out the big guns. Not profanity. Not pithy remarks about his looks or his character...nope...

Now what I am about to share is proven to deflect any unwanted male attention..I have also used it at the grocery store and the auto shop. It is as fool proof as Elle Woods "bend, and snap".

I looked him straight in the eye and said " I also have three small children at home".

He deflated before my eyes, and backed away with his hands in front of him in surrender.."ok, then" he mumbled.



  1. rock, sister! Baby-talk is sure to deflect male attention in a HEARTbeat. "My second wife"...what a jack-bag. Nice work, sweets! xoxo

  2. The best come-back EVER!! That is awesome!

  3. Hahahahahaha. That is awesome! Nice work getting hit on, even though the guy was a douche. I totally get you with the " much to metro" thing. Filing that away under best comeback lines ever category of my brain to save!

  4. *dies laughing* this is the first time I've ever seen your nitty gritty mommy and i love this! Those are some of the worst pick-up lines I've ever heard of..."my second wife"? Cmon! That's just terrible! I now know the children card is the best way to go in the future! XD