too good and too true

Sometimes life seems so good it's a little scary...like I am waiting for the bottom to drop out. Not a good attitude to have, I know. But I am taking stock of my life right now and feel overly blessed. I am a mom of three kids who I adore. If we want to go to the zoo...we go to the zoo. If we decide to pack picnic lunches and spend the day at the beach...we pack a lunch and go to the beach. If we decide to stay in pajamas all day and eat cereal for lunch, we do.  We have the luxury to do what we want, together.

It wasn't always this easy. When the twins were little we were pretty much on house arrest. Preemies have underdeveloped immune systems and the exposure to every day illnesses can be devastating.We also had a heart monitor and oxygen tank to contend with. I had nightmares about being stuck on I95 behind an accident and the tank running low.

About the time I felt comfortable venturing out alone with the twins for more than a stroll (or one of our many, many Doctor's Appointments), I got the super surprise of being pregnant again.  Frankly, I was tired and suffered from all-day-long sickness, so venturing out with the boys, a diaper bag full of basic necessaties for the them, and the double stroller could be overwhelming as well as physically and mentally exhausting.
Nothing was ever "a quick trip" or "just run in".  Being in a hurry was never an option, and in fact only guaranteed that everything would take longer because I or the boys would get flustered. Adding a third baby to the mix made it nearly impossible to go anywhere with them alone. I had 2 one year olds and a newborn. It really wasn't feasible to think we could run to the grocery store or the park without it being a major production.

This fall the twins will be in pre-k five mornings a week. No more flexibility..no more acting on whims. No more waking up and saying "let's go see elephants today", or "let's build the tallest sand castle ever!" whenever we want. Nope, structure and a schedule that includes more than nap, meal  and bed time.

But for the next few months, we can enjoy all our days together doing pretty much whatever they feel like.  I am so lucky that my husband provides for us in a way that allows me to be home with these little ones while I can. I am blessed that the twins are healthy and smart and amazing, even after going through hell as newborns. I am blessed that my daughter is also healthy smart and amazing, and completes our family so perfectly.  My husband and I are happy and compliment each other. I am outgoing and talkative and impetuous..he is logical and laid back. I have a temper while he is on an even keel. I am unorganized and messy, he is constantly organizing something, either physically or in his head.  My head is usually in the clouds while he is grounded...so we make a good couple, and we parent well together.

I'm not saying my life is all rainbows and lollipops right now. I am usually tired and when one kid gets a cold, they all get a cold. There is a lot of whining in my house, and I am constantly filling something or wiping something. I vaccuum the same room three times some days, and meal time is like the witching hour four out of five times.

But I get to do all the fun things with my kids too. And having fun with them is the best fun there is.  I just wonder how long one person can be this happy, and that i can take all this happiness with me and hold onto it when life hits a valley, which it inevitably will. Right now I am just enjoying the ride. And the beach.