Creepy Carpet Guy

My carpets are yuck. I have 3 little kids who repeatedly drop sippy cups, candy, cereal, crayons, snot and vomit on the family room floor. It is gross. This is why we have them cleaned every few months.

I have a carpet cleaning company who I really like. It's all natural, chemical free, smells like oranges and dries quickly. They also don't make any comments that make me feel freakishly slovenly or ask what exactly is dried and crusted on the carpet.

But this time around, when the carpets started looking like a crime scene,  Hubby had a coupon. A coupon. 
"only $24.99 for 2 rooms and a hallway!"
But I like my citrusy smelling all natural friendly carpet cleaners.
"but it's $24.99"


So I called and set up an appointment.

Creepy Carpet Guy called on his way over to let me know he was on the way. His voice was somewhere between used car salesman and Pepe Le Pew.

When he arrived, his smell preceeded him. I am not kidding. It was a smell that radiated from him and infiltrated the house. Even after he left and the kids and I went to run errands, I still had the smell in my clothes. It wasn't B.O.  Just dirty.

And he leered at me. I think he thought it was charming.

He walked through my family room pointing out the stains that were no problem, and the ones that were definite problems.  The dining room was the same. The hallway was already pretty clean, but hey it was part of the coupon package so I might as well take advantage right?

CCG: "So, we'll sanitize and deodorize. And then I'll do a deep chemical treatment, then shampoo the entire area, sound good?"

me: "Great."

CCG: "OK, it will be $174."

(wait what? no, not great. and quit leering at me. )

what I actually said was

me: "Ummmmm, I have a coupon????"

Damn you and your coupon, husband. Damn you

CCG: "Yes, but the coupon just covers a basic shampoo, and these 2 rooms are bigger than an average room so they count as three instead of 2."

Oh, well THAT makes perfect sense now. I totally get the ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY dollar upcharge. 

I am not a timid housewife, sir. You will not leer at me, charm me or make me uncomfortable enough to pay you $174. But I am pretty uncomfortable.

me: "Let's just go with the general shampoo."

CCG: " Look, it will be totally worth it. They'll look like new."

me: " uh-huh, and then my kids will ruin it, again. I just want it to be respectable. Really, I am hoping to rip it up soon anyway."

CCG: " well you really need a deep chemical treatment to get you through til then."

He's not leering anymore. He looks downright ticked.

Now I am getting annoyed. I have three kids in my bedroom who are supposed to be watching Mike the Knight, but who I am pretty sure are doing highly dangerous acrobatics on my bed and trying on all my jewelry.

I can argue with the best of them. I am normally pretty easy going and sweet, really I am. But I can argue til the cows come home and the hens lay eggs etc. Because I must win. In fact, I am the first one to admit I like a good argument. I pick fights sometimes.
But I really did not want to be arguing with a complete stranger in my home. Especially CCG. Because I have a coupon, damnit.

So I nodded and said:" yeah, I am still thinking we should go with the general shampoo."

But no, it's not over!  CCG is a stubborn S.O.B.!

CCG:"What did you want to spend today, just level with me."

me:"$24.95, like the coupon says. Like I told them when I made the appointment."

CCG: " You should call your husband and ask him if he wants the chemical treatment."

OH, you can bet your ass I'll be calling my husband. Thanks for the coupon honey. Happy Valentine's day to me.

And I am pretty sure he doesn't want the chemical treatment. Because it isn't TWENTY FOUR NINETY NINE. 

And let's be serious. Do you really think that I defer to my husband? And if I did, do you think I would after THIS COUPON debacle.

So my carpets are marginally clean and I have renewed my loyalty to my citrusy cleaning friends. I will never be swayed by my cute husband and his coupon again.