my confession

Okay, here it is. My confession.....Sometimes I feel like I am playing house. 

It just seems totally surreal that I am in my thirties and married with three kids and a home.  It's almost as if I am living out the scenarios I used to play in my head when I was younger and picturing my future.  (Except I didn't see three kids in less than 2 years.)  See wife kiss husband goodbye in the morning.  See mom drive kids to soccer practice/ swim lesson/ doctor appointment. See mom read a book to kids. See mom/wife make dinner.

Sometimes I find it almost ludicrous that three little people call me "Mommy".

It shouldn't. I always wanted kids. Always knew I wanted to be a mom. Couldn't wait to have babies. I was pregnant twice and had two c-sections and took care of three infants. And with all that being said, sometimes it hits me out of the blue that I am an adult. A true, bonified adult with a lot of responsibilities.

What the...?? 
When did...??

 I am in charge of making sure these little people eat and get to appointments and learn about life. I can make boo-boos better and memories of bad dreams vanish.  I have to discipline, and make them bathe, and enforce bedtime. I have to take care of them so they can take care of themselves one day. And thankfully I do a much better job of it than I do caring for myself.

I am a wife. I am someone's significant other. I am my husband's partner, best friend. I can also be his worst nightmare at times. I am demanding and overly-dramatic. As loving and fun as I can be, I am temperamental and draining. I am the other half of "we", and we must make a lot of decisions together. What color the walls will be and when it is time to move to a toddler bed and what we shoud have for dinner.  We pick up each other's slack. I am critical at times, and others I am his cheerleader. I remember when I used to just cheer for high school basketball.  Pretty arbitrary in comparison.

I've been present and active and happy every step of the way to becoming wife and mommy. It is exactly what I wanted, and what I planned. So it is odd to me that sometimes it catches me a little off guard to find myself here. Sometimes I am still surprised there is no one around to ground me if I misbehave, to give me a bad grade if I don't complete my homework, to make sure I eat well.  I can have brownies for dinner and stay up all night and wear pajamas all day.Well, I could if I didn't have to get up each morning and start a new day making sure my kids are taken care of and loved. And I guess I don't HAVE to do that, I GET to.  Because I have three little people who call me "Mommy".