literally

I am writing while watching Alvin and the Chipmunks with the kids for the 20th time. Literally, it is probably the 20th time we have watched this movie. The chuckleheads suffer from serious Alvin mania. The DVDs, the old cartoons, the CDs, etc. They demand cheeseballs for a snack because Alvin loves them. Some days they only respond to Chipmunk names, and they frequently quote the movies, at strangely appropriate times. One may think I am exagerating when I tell you have seen "The Squeakquel" 45 times, and I am prone to exageration, but in this instance I am being quite literal. Which leads me to my point. My children take everything I say quite literally, so I must be careful of the colloquial language and cliches.

The other day, I was in a hurry to get to a Dr appt with all three kids, when I noticed the boys' carseats were sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. My husband had taken them out when we went in different directions with the kids a few days before and moved them from his car to the kitchen, never making it back into the truck.

damnit, damnit. I know, as a mom of three I should know how to install carseats, but it is always something my hubby has done and now I was in panic mode. I was pretty sure my gas light was on, because it is always on when I am in a hurry so I did not have time to fool with the carseats. I was pissed.
"I am going to kill your father". I muttered. A heard me.

"NOOOOOOOOOO", he screamed, "don't make him dead!"

Oops. I had some back peddling to do.

I didn't even know my four year old had any concept of death....must be careful, must be careful.

A few days before that, B came running up to me crying. It wasn't an " I'm hurt" cry, it was an "I'm about to tattle on a sibling" cry. All the different cries are very distinct. After a moment of sobbing and incoherent "mamas" I said "take a deep breath, calm down, what happened?"
"Mama, mama, mama"
"B, what is the problem? Spit it out..."
He looked at me strangely, made a spitting noise, and said, quite seriously, "there isn't anything in my mouth".

And of course, any time I say "that stinks" in response to something shitty that happened, they ask..."who pooped?"

And I have to admit, I say "OK, Jose" and "Ready Freddie" to them all the time just to see their heads spin while they scream "I am not Freddie", etc.

I'd love it if you shared some funny reactions your kids have had to things you've said. I'm sure there are like, hundreds of them. Literally...